I sent her a text yesterday, "I miss you."
I held the phone in my hand for a moment, looking for the little text bubble to flicker on screen. My nerves are hot wires. Please. Write back, please. I stare at the left side of my screen and try to will a message -- it never comes. There's a heavy feeling in my chest where a fuzzy haze used to be. I begin to loathe myself. I've left this little blue bubble in perpetual loneliness next to the other string of emotional ghosts from a few days ago, a few weeks ago.
I've been holding on for too long. I wish I could erase this evidence of my weakness. I know she saw it. She has to have seen it. I can't tell what's worse, delete it? Leave it? I feel like I'm going to throw up. Why can't she see me...?
Let's hide under these sheets and imagine the world outside won't ever come calling. Let me wrap my arms around you and we'll close our eyes. No one will find us here. I'll call in sick. It's your day off. We belong here. A thin stream of mid-day light breaks free through the crack in the blinds and scans the room like a laser yet we remain elusive. "Let's stay here together until everyone forgets us."
We breathe in unison and sink into one another-- We transform, evolve, transcend, and disappear.